Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
We left for church and it was amazing. I sang on the worship team and sang a special song. For the first time I sang every song in Spanish! The Holy Spirit was definitely with us and God was singing through me because I got the words right. Haha. But I was blessed a lot by that time. They asked me to join their worship team full time. And the worship leader told me that his sister has a recording studio and he got me in for two songs. I thought that was pretty cool to be able to record in Tijuana. I spent the rest of my Sunday counting down the minutes until I was back in the orphanage. I couldn’t wait to be holding my kids all the time.
I came back in and was super excited. I spent a lot of time that night with the teenage girls, just catching up and being silly. I told them how much they mean to me and how much I missed them. Seriously to not living at City of Angels was like a piece missing in my heart everyday. But the time I spent away was such a time of trusting God to heal me and refresh my spirit. I was so down a week or so ago that I was wondering if I should be in Tijuana anymore. It was horrible.
On Monday the kids hugged me so much. It was one of my favorite days in my whole life. One little boy named Armando kept hugging me over and over again. Our cook, Teresa, asked him, “Who is Tenielle to you? Your friend, sister, or mommy?” He said, “My mommy! Right Tenielle, you are my mommy?” I said, “Yes, of course.” He squeezed me tight and told all the kids “Tenielle is my mommy!” Others started to ask if I was their mom too and I told them that they were all my kids. My boy Chuma asked me, “Am I your son? You are my mommy too, right?” I smiled and kissed him. And told him he is mine forever.
One of our little 3 year olds is named Josue and he is super sweet. He is always wanting held and cuddled. It makes my day when he screams my name and wants a hug. He calls me, “Te ne!” haha.
Later that night I was in the living room and saw my wonderful 6-year-old Arnold. I honestly adore this little boy. He has the greatest personality and smile. He asked me to help him get his shoes on and tie them. So I did. Afterward he hugged me super tight and said, “Did you miss me?” I said, “Yes! SO much!” He smiled and said, “I missed you a lot, Tenielle.” Then I told him that I loved him and he said me too. I told him, “Every night I would pray for him and hold my heart and say Oh Arnold, I miss you!” He said, “Every night I would hold my heart and say, Oh Tenielle, I miss you!”
I feel like the Lord was showing me more and more each day that I am walking in His will. Even through tough time I see His hand guiding me and showing me exactly where I should be. It’s amazing how much protection He has on us here. He is such a great God and I can’t thank Him enough for these people. I believe that all the problems in my heart will be healed and any relationships here that have been hurt will be brought back together and mended, in time.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
November 14, 2010
In the past week or so I have had some struggles but the Lord has been faithful like He always is. Today I was at church and I was able to sing a song called “Here with us.” It is about how Jesus was here with us on earth to save us. It is such a beautiful song. When I stepped up on stage I looked out in the crowd and I saw this face that completely shocked me. One of my orphanage kids was there with his mom.
But the thing is, is that this young boy is one that never gets to see his mommy and hardly ever leaves the orphanage. Sergio picked him up this morning without me knowing and let him come to church to see his family. His mom is a major alcoholic and her brain is basically gone from all the drugs before. She is doing a little better. Anyways, so Chuma is the little boy and he is 10 years old. He has a lot of issues but I adore him. I have never seen him so happy. He was like I have my mommy! Tenielle, I have my mommy! I could hardly sing in the beginning because tears filled my eyes as they walked up to be prayed for. This little boy and his mom danced together hand in hand in praises to our great God. Sergio and I began to cry as we watch them together. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, to see this little boy so incredible joyful. He hugged me so tight and kissed me on the cheek.
Right now I am able to stay at Sergio’s house for a little while, for a break and some renewing time. I have been in a lot of pain lately and Satan is definitely trying his best to bring me down. But, Sergio has helped me tremendously. He reassures me who I am in Jesus and how much he loves me. But I miss the kids a lot even just being gone for only a day now, and being able to see one of them. I miss all the hugs and love.
The other day I sat down with two of our 12 year old boys to help them with homework, Roberto and Jeovany. They are super silly and always trying to make me laugh. Well, Roberto decided that he needed to try on my glasses. So he took them off of me and he says, “wow you look different without glasses.” I was like what? Better or worse, and I smiled. Then Jeovany says, “With or without glasses you are beautiful.” I was in amazement as he told me that. Jeovany is one of my little ones that I am closet too. He calls me Mama and we talk a lot.
As I struggle and cry in front of God I keep thinking of how much I love the kids here and I know that this is the place I am suppose to be. I told God to guide me and show me what He wants for my life here and when He is ready for me to leave and serve somewhere else that I am ready to follow His will.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
This morning I woke up at 4:45am so that I could help take Jesus to the hospital for dialysis. As I was getting ready a mouse ran past my feet and under my bed. I hate mice so much. I was hoping they were finally gone and I laid out some traps. I heard one the other night and it freaked me out so I slept with the little girls on one of the bunks. The people here tease me about the mice because they are used to having them. Some still hate them just as much as I do.
Then I went outside to have a stray ugly dog run out of one of our buildings we are constructing past me. haha I laughed and thought where am I? It is like I am living in a 3rd world country or something… haha. I waited for Israel to come out to leave for Jesus and I heard this little screaming as Israel threw a mouse on a mousetrap over this wall away from the orphanage.
So gross… It is the rainy season so I guess we are going to have more. Israel and I talked about all of it and he said you have so many privileges here… a pool in your room (from the rain water coming in under my wall getting everything wet) and you have pets crawling around your floor and bugs to keep you company. He smiled so big and said just imagine if you were serving in Africa… maybe God is preparing me for that. He said I bet instead of mice and dogs jumping out at you that I lion will. Haha. I love Israel so much and I said I know that God never said this would be easy but really I hate mice. J The blessing was is that I didn’t scream at all in seeing all these creatures come past me.
The little girls laugh at me and one night as I walked in they threw a furry stuffed animal at me and attacked me… trying to scare me even though I could hear them counting down out loud to the moment of trying to “scare me” haha. They all jumped on me and tickled me… it was horrible cause I couldn’t move. Such silly girls!
I was reading in the book of Acts last night about the life of Paul and all the crazy things he went through in sharing the gospel. I thought I couldn’t imagine being persecuted so severely. But we have to be willing to do anything for Jesus. No matter how dangerous, gross, dirty, scary, or uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable with hearing mice run across my floor but I know that it just a small thing that doesn’t even really matter and I don’t let it affect my serving here. We make it all a joke. They said why don’t you name your little friends and just get used to them being there because they are just cold. I am asking God to take away of the stupid fear and have me never to worry.
God is so good and finally my friend Jesus doesn’t have pain in his stomach! For the first time in over a month he is not in horrible pain. This morning for the first time he was smiling so big and happy… even in his time of pain he had joy in his heart but he was hurting so bad that he didn’t smile that much. But he always talked about the faithfulness of God and how much he loves Christ. My favorite things about this kid are his sense of humor, smile, and amazing faith. He has changed my heart so much and has showed me what it really means to trust God with everything in your life. I believe that I am here in Tijuana at this time to help my friend Jesus. To be a comfort, a person who loves him, and to show him even more how much God adores him. I praise the Lord for this wonderful young man in my life.
In the picture are two of my favorite little boys in the world. They are super special to me and amazing. Luis and Geovanny :)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
This last weekend went really well in Ohio. We raised over $1000 for Sergio and the orphanage. It was such a blessing. I found myself crying by the end of each speech. Saturday night we had a special benefit dinner. I sang and spoke at that for quite awhile. Also Sergio’s granddaughter was there to talk about her time of living in the orphanage and growing up with the kids.
I talked about everything that I could think of. It seems that I walk on the stage really not knowing what I will say but God just speaks through me and leaves me in tears by the end. I truly love the people in Tijuana and I can’t imagine my life without them. They are such blessings and have changed my life forever.
Sunday morning was fun. I was able to sing with the worship team and talk a little about everything. The church that I was with is a multi-racial and multi-cultural church but most of the people are black. I was actually the only white person on the worship team. Haha. It was interesting… they sing songs that I know but in a different way so I had fun doing something different.
Israel the director of the orphanage had surgery yesterday but is doing great. He is taking some days off to heal and just rest. I believe the rest is what he needed anyways. He hasn’t had a day off in a long time. I am in Chicago right now in the airport waiting for my flight to San Diego. I am so excited to see the kids today! I have missed them in the last five days that I have been gone. I can’t wait to hug and kiss them. J
The Lord has been working on my heart a lot this weekend. I have had time just to think and relax… and just be away. I mean I was busy some days but other days I just watched movies and spent time with different people. The sermon was about not worrying and being a “Robin hood” for Christ. I needed the part about not worrying. I mean I know that our God is all powerful and in control but I still fight when I feel lost. I hate letting people get to me, especially when they treat me bad and I’m trying to evaluate what is wrong with me. I need to realize that I am important to Christ and what He thinks of me is the only thing that matters. I am trying to figure out my security in Christ but I have a feeling it will be a constant battle for some time.
I am super excited because the Pastor of church came up to me and told me that he is going to talk to the elders about supporting Sergio monthly! What a blessing and exactly what we need! I know Go brought me to Sergio and Baja Vision Ministries at this time for a reason… and one of those reasons is to help set up this support system for Sergio so he can keep doing what he loves to do.
I thank God for this weekend and I know that it was all in His hands. But now I’m so ready to be back in Mexico and at the orphanage. The more I come back to America the more I realize it’s not my home. I find that I don’t even miss home very often when I’m in Mexico and that the people I work with have become family to me and Tijuana has become not comfortable but a home for my weary heart.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Life has been crazy the past ten days. We have had lots of groups come to the orphanage. I was able to spend time with some great new people from New York and some old friends. We built a house from Sunday-Wednesday. Through that time we were also able to raise over $4,000 to build another home in august. They raised the money through facebook actually. It was quite amazing to see what God can do.
I was able to go to the Mothers Day Party at the school with the kids from the orphanage on Tuesday. It was so cute. Each age group did a little skit, dance, or song. I loved it. One of the youngest girls called me Mama that day and I cried. I feel so unworthy of what is all going on. I’m glad that God knows what’s going on when I’m lost.
I have actually been kind of struggling the past couple days just with who I am. I know that Satan is trying so hard to make me upset and he was winning. I felt so helpless. I didn't know what God wanted me here for. I am still learning the language and struggling to communicate. How can I help these people? Also the teens are hard to read sometimes. They find a way to make me feel bad about something. I know that they are struggling too but its tough. But one night in my room after a tough day I read in my devotion that "God did NOT just love me when I was lovable but he loved me through it all" through all my nasty and dark and rude times. The Lord was patient with me. I think that, that is going to have to be my heart through my time with them. I mean honestly there is nothing else that I can do.
I have been able to see a lot of old friends, which has been so grand. Also I have been able to spend time with my friend Jesus. He came to the orphanage yesterday and was so happy. He has so much energy and I enjoyed our time together.
I am praying a lot through the soreness, blisters, bruises, sweat, and tears. I know our Lord is faithful and keeps His arms around me through this all. When I was at church on Sunday the Pastor read a passage in Luke 18:28-30 "peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you." "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and in the age to come, eternal life." After reading that my heart had this since of... is this me? Did I leave my life behind to be with these people? Am I serving the Lord with all that I am? Or am I still comfortable?
I’m still thinking about all of it. I hope the next couple of days will be a blessing for the kingdom of God.
Tonight I went to the hospital with the directors for the surgery of one of the girls. She was getting her appendices out. I saw her before she went in and she seemed happy that I showed up. I kissed her and told her I loved her. We came back after she was out of surgery. She was screaming for a long time and saying over and over again “oh my stomach” they didn’t give her any painkillers. That girl is strong. I went in and held her hand, talked to her, and petted her head. We calmed her down and started to pray for her. Israel the director kept saying don’t worry Jesus is here with us. She was so miserable. I cried being with her and praying for her. Before I left I got close to her ear and whispered in Spanish “I love you, my girl.” I kissed her on the cheek and we had to leave.
After that time my heart was broke and I am realizing that loving these people with the love of Christ is enough. They don’t care if I speak perfect Spanish or understand their culture completely but just being here and doing all that I can and loving them is enough.