Tuesday, November 23, 2010

healing my heart...

On Sunday I went with Sergio to the orphanage to pick up 3 of the boys to come to church with us. I walked into the orphanage with a big smile on my face. I hadn’t been there in a couple of days and I had missed my kids like crazy. The kids saw me and ran to me and hugged me super tight. So I went around and hugged each of the kids. They asked, “when are you coming back to live with us?” I told them, “Tonight, I am coming home!” They smiled so big! They kept asking how long I would be staying and I told them until I go home to Nebraska. I said, “I won’t leave you again.” It hurt them worse than I thought it would to have me stay at Sergio’s for over a week. Most of them thought that I was not going to live with them again.

We left for church and it was amazing. I sang on the worship team and sang a special song. For the first time I sang every song in Spanish! The Holy Spirit was definitely with us and God was singing through me because I got the words right. Haha. But I was blessed a lot by that time. They asked me to join their worship team full time. And the worship leader told me that his sister has a recording studio and he got me in for two songs. I thought that was pretty cool to be able to record in Tijuana. I spent the rest of my Sunday counting down the minutes until I was back in the orphanage. I couldn’t wait to be holding my kids all the time.

I came back in and was super excited. I spent a lot of time that night with the teenage girls, just catching up and being silly. I told them how much they mean to me and how much I missed them. Seriously to not living at City of Angels was like a piece missing in my heart everyday. But the time I spent away was such a time of trusting God to heal me and refresh my spirit. I was so down a week or so ago that I was wondering if I should be in Tijuana anymore. It was horrible.

On Monday the kids hugged me so much. It was one of my favorite days in my whole life. One little boy named Armando kept hugging me over and over again. Our cook, Teresa, asked him, “Who is Tenielle to you? Your friend, sister, or mommy?” He said, “My mommy! Right Tenielle, you are my mommy?” I said, “Yes, of course.” He squeezed me tight and told all the kids “Tenielle is my mommy!” Others started to ask if I was their mom too and I told them that they were all my kids. My boy Chuma asked me, “Am I your son? You are my mommy too, right?” I smiled and kissed him. And told him he is mine forever.

One of our little 3 year olds is named Josue and he is super sweet. He is always wanting held and cuddled. It makes my day when he screams my name and wants a hug. He calls me, “Te ne!” haha.

Later that night I was in the living room and saw my wonderful 6-year-old Arnold. I honestly adore this little boy. He has the greatest personality and smile. He asked me to help him get his shoes on and tie them. So I did. Afterward he hugged me super tight and said, “Did you miss me?” I said, “Yes! SO much!” He smiled and said, “I missed you a lot, Tenielle.” Then I told him that I loved him and he said me too. I told him, “Every night I would pray for him and hold my heart and say Oh Arnold, I miss you!” He said, “Every night I would hold my heart and say, Oh Tenielle, I miss you!”

I feel like the Lord was showing me more and more each day that I am walking in His will. Even through tough time I see His hand guiding me and showing me exactly where I should be. It’s amazing how much protection He has on us here. He is such a great God and I can’t thank Him enough for these people. I believe that all the problems in my heart will be healed and any relationships here that have been hurt will be brought back together and mended, in time.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

For the JOY of the Lord is my strength!

November 14, 2010

In the past week or so I have had some struggles but the Lord has been faithful like He always is. Today I was at church and I was able to sing a song called “Here with us.” It is about how Jesus was here with us on earth to save us. It is such a beautiful song. When I stepped up on stage I looked out in the crowd and I saw this face that completely shocked me. One of my orphanage kids was there with his mom.

But the thing is, is that this young boy is one that never gets to see his mommy and hardly ever leaves the orphanage. Sergio picked him up this morning without me knowing and let him come to church to see his family. His mom is a major alcoholic and her brain is basically gone from all the drugs before. She is doing a little better. Anyways, so Chuma is the little boy and he is 10 years old. He has a lot of issues but I adore him. I have never seen him so happy. He was like I have my mommy! Tenielle, I have my mommy! I could hardly sing in the beginning because tears filled my eyes as they walked up to be prayed for. This little boy and his mom danced together hand in hand in praises to our great God. Sergio and I began to cry as we watch them together. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, to see this little boy so incredible joyful. He hugged me so tight and kissed me on the cheek.

Right now I am able to stay at Sergio’s house for a little while, for a break and some renewing time. I have been in a lot of pain lately and Satan is definitely trying his best to bring me down. But, Sergio has helped me tremendously. He reassures me who I am in Jesus and how much he loves me. But I miss the kids a lot even just being gone for only a day now, and being able to see one of them. I miss all the hugs and love.

The other day I sat down with two of our 12 year old boys to help them with homework, Roberto and Jeovany. They are super silly and always trying to make me laugh. Well, Roberto decided that he needed to try on my glasses. So he took them off of me and he says, “wow you look different without glasses.” I was like what? Better or worse, and I smiled. Then Jeovany says, “With or without glasses you are beautiful.” I was in amazement as he told me that. Jeovany is one of my little ones that I am closet too. He calls me Mama and we talk a lot.

As I struggle and cry in front of God I keep thinking of how much I love the kids here and I know that this is the place I am suppose to be. I told God to guide me and show me what He wants for my life here and when He is ready for me to leave and serve somewhere else that I am ready to follow His will.