Hugs, Gum, Peanut Butter, and Lots of Love

‎"If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all."

-Isaiah 7:9

The Lord is great and constantly amazing me with His great power. I was so blessed by my last couple weeks at City of Angels. Some of my favorite moments were the kids sharing that they would pray for me on my trip to Africa. It was so humbling to have them hug me goodbye and to hear them say I love you. The morning I left I went into their rooms and hugged each of them goodbye at like 6am. The best moment was hugging my beautiful Jeovany... he woke up and raised his arms up. He squeezed me really tight then fell back asleep haha. I was stuck for a little bit. :)

I thank the Lord everyday for bringing the people of Tijuana into my life. I know that

they are my family and I can't wait to hug them again in January- God willing. My next moment is off to Africa, I hope! I still need to raise more funds but I am a strong believer that if the Lord wants me there I will be. I have dreamed for years for the moment of being in Africa. Holding the children... living with the people... being in their culture.. I long for it. I love the people even before meeting them.

I was convicted lately that I need to become nonmaterialistic and really go through my things to give away or sell so the money can go towards my missions. I also had some time reading and I am constantly reminded that God CHOSE us. He chose me to be in Tijuana... He has a

purpose and even though I don't deserve it.. He uses me.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support. The Lord is definitely working in Tijuana and I constantly pray for the lives of those children. I would do anything for them to truly know the love of God and to have a real personal relationship with Him.

Another cute story- One day i was sitting on the couch in the orphanage when 7 year old Arnold comes up to me and yells, Tenielle! I have been hit! I looked at him in shock...

then he screamed, WITH GUM! I began to laugh... I was like okay how did that happen? he said, i don't know maybe someone put it there, or when I was rolling on the ground, or it was on the wall.. haha I couldn't stop laughing. I said, well lets get some peanut butter.. he said, Im not hungry. haha I said no its for your hair. I tried but then we just got peanut butter all over so then someone cut it out. It was dramatic and hilarious.

I miss those moments and the hugs so much.

Learning to be more selfless

Lately I have been so tired because it seems that I am constantly surrounded by children with no break. Then I hug them and I remember why I am here. I have been paying more attention to see how the children react to different things and they way they treat me. I know that they love me, I can see it and feel it. But they ask me so much for everything-- I cannot tell you how many times a day I get asked if one of them can have 5 pesos or if they can watch one of my movies, or use something of mine. Its this never ending give and give and give-- I don't hardly ever give them money except for maybe 50 cents for some chips when they go to school. I hate when they ask for money. And then when I say no I hear, You are horrible or I don't love you anymore! I always scream back, LIES! and we smile.

I love the children here with all of my heart and even when they say mean things or hurt me in someway or try to use me, I know that I am where I am suppose to be. Hugging these children is the delight of my life. When the cuddle up in your arms there is no comparison...

I have been trying to be more into God's word and to really hunger for it. To make it an everyday thing that isn't something I feel like I have to do BUT that I want to do it because its God's love letter to me. In the book I am reading.. Radical by David Platt-- he talks about is the Word of God enough for us? Or do we need all the other stuff in the church? I want to be one of those followers of Christ that gives EVERYTHING to Him... and that I would be willing to be killed in His name. It's difficult to imagine looking into your persecutors eyes and praising the Lord that you are suffering BUT its something that we have to be willing to do.

My prayer is to become more like Jesus and how he lived-- he was so blunt and real. I love that. This last week we walked in a march in downtown Tijuana. There were thousands of people there proclaiming that Jesus is King! It was great to walk with the kids.

I praise the Lord that He is so faithful and that He knows what He is doing. My friend Jesus is not well... I went today to see him and he is struggling a lot. His lungs and heart are full of fluid and he can't breathe well. He has two hernias and is in so much pain. I wish I could do something for him... I feel so helpless. I prayed with him and told him that I love him. His attitude is different and he is kind of angry. It makes it more difficult. But I pray for him constantly and I know God has a plan.

Days of Miracles

I am constantly looking at myself and wondering why out of millions lost was I chosen?! But then I think of how faithful and loving our Lord is to have me even though I am imperfect and unfaithful. God has completely left me in awe in the past week and I praise Him for His faithfulness, protection and guidance in my life.

A group from Nebraska came down to bless us lately and worked really hard at the orphanage and building a house for a family. One of my favorite moments was being able to go to the house on the last day and meet the family. The group had not met the father of the house yet because he was always working but he showed up in the middle of the day and the first thing he asked me was, can i help? I said, jump on in this is your house! :) Later in the day, Israel (director of the orphanage and house.building) had this young man come aside to talk. He

began with, Do you know that we are building two houses? This material one you see and the second on is in your heart for Jesus Christ. I was in complete awe as Israel presented the gospel with such passion and ease. He told him, I have the best gift in the world and I want to give it to you, its my Savior Jesus.

Later we prayed as an entire group for the family and then Israel asked him, are you ready to except Jesus as your Savior? yes or no? he said, I am ready! And they went over and he asked Christ to be his Savior. I was crying as I saw this man join the kingdom of Heaven. It was a beautiful moment of a miracle.

The next day we took the group to church, then off to tacos, and then to Sam's Club to buy things for a few places that needed food and supplies. We first headed over to the Hospice where I hadn't been in months. They were pretty excited to see me and I hugged them so tight. A lot were gone but that seems to happen a lot. i was blessed tremendously by the time we were there. One lady who I have known for almost 2 years now said that she loved me dearly and missed me a lot. She said, when I die will you take care of my children? I couldn't believe she said it... i was in shock.. She smiled at me and kissed me goodbye. I left with tears..

Then we stopped by the Womens Shelter and next the Old Folks Home. At the old folks home I was able to translate some of what the people were saying. I praise the Lord that I am finally understanding Spanish! It is all Him working! The people shared about their lives and we prayed with them. The whole day was a sweet time of serving and fellowship.

This last Tuesday night I was able to pray over each child at the orphanage. It was beyond words. I started to cry during the first kid and I didn't stop crying until I made it through at least 30 of them haha. Sometimes I was crying so hard that I couldn't even pray out loud. I held them tightly in my arms and whispered in their ears not only a prayer but how amazing, smart, beautiful, and talented they are. And that God has a plan for their lives and I love them with ALL of my heart. Also that I pray for the constantly and when I am not here.. I am still here in their hearts.

By the end of it, 6 year old Pepino wanted me to pray for him again. So he came and hugged me tight. I was crying so hard and he looked at me in my eyes with concern... he said, I will pray for you! "Lord, take care of Tenielle because I love her and she loves us all so much. take care of her family and her life." Then he looked at me again and asked me to take of my glasses and close my eyes. Then he took his shirt and wiped the tears off of my face.

I am still in awe of that moment and blessed beyond anything I could ever describe. God is so good and never forget that. Even in the times of suffering or joy He is there working. I just starting reading a book called Radical by David Platt. It is very convicting and I think I am going to be convicted the whole time I read it. He talks a lot about how we need to be like the Jesus of the Bible not the Jesus we have "molded" him to be. And to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for His sake.

Lord, I pray that I would be a servant of You that is completely willing to give up everything in Your name. I want to have a radical relationship with You... I never want to be comfortable. Guide me... use me... and make me be the way You made me.

Estoy en Tijuana

Hey everyone,

I am back in Tijuana and loving on some beautiful children. God is good and working. I have been praying a lot for the kids and for God to show me needs that need to be met. We are searching for a desktop computer for the orphanage because our other brokedown. A friend of mine is going to help some but It would be amazing in the end to get the more than one... to bless them more in the long run!

The kids keep thinking that I am going to leave them... its not real to them that I am staying for another month. EVerytime I go out of the orphanage or if I am carrying a bag they freak out and ask if I am going home. I love them so much

Today we went to the movies and saw the movie Rio which is about some birds. The kids were so happy. Thank you for all your prayers and I hope to keep you all updated.. we don't have internet at the orphanage right now, I am just going to an internet store.

thanks again!
Tenielle

Love them like Jesus

The past week or so I been listening to the Bible in audio form and I have enjoyed it tremendously. I wish I would have had that when I kept having terrifying nightmares in Mexico.I have been listening to the smaller books in the Old Testament and things have been popping out at me... like: "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land."- Malachi 3:12 OR "Lord, I have heard of your fame, I stand in awe of Your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known: in wrath remember mercy."- Habakkuk 3:2

Have I really ever stood completely in awe of our God? Have you? I just thought I would share them with you.

But, anyways, I am heading back to Tijuana this coming wednesday and for some reason I am a little nervous. I have been there tons of times but my nerves are kicking in. I think that satan is trying to bring me down BUT I believe that if satan is working against me that, that means God has something huge in store for this 5 week trip.

I wanted to ask you for your prayers for the kids and for me. I have realized more and more that prayers are what is getting me through. I love the kids at City of Angels with all of my heart-- through all odds I continue to have this passion for them to have a future, to be safe, and to realize how much Jesus loves them. I want them so badly to be servants of our great servant. And one day i hope they all are. I thought of the song "Love them like Jesus" by Casting crowns and here are the lyrics that got to me:

"Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him

His yoke is easy, His burden is light

You don't need the answers to all of life's questions

Just know that He loves them and stay by their side

Love them like Jesus"

Do we really love the people around us like Jesus? We can't just love the ones who are easy to love but we are called to love all. All the forgotten, drugged, crazy, scary, homeless, orphaned, rich and poor. A friend sent me a quote the other day that blessed me BEYOND belief and I hope that it touches your heart as well.

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.

They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.

It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms.

But once you do, everything changes." - David Platt

That quote brings tears to my eyes, the children at City of Angels Orphanage changed everything in my life. This little boy in the picture above is my beautiful, intelligent, Luis. He is 12 years old and my days are not complete without a hug from this gorgeous boy. He has captured my heart. I hope you are all blessed and I thank you for all your support so far. I will try to keep up on my adventures through the next 6 weeks or so.

Never forget the Faithfulness of Our God!

I am so amazed by our great Father. I am raising support and still have quite a ways to go but it still amazes me that anyone would give. I mean... who am I to serve? To be a missionary? WOW the Lord uses you when you least expect it and when you feel so unworthy.

Constantly on the field I feel unworthy of the calling the Lord has put in front of my face but I still listen for His voice. Last night I was praying for my kids in Tijuana and my heart started to hurt. I began to cry deeply as I thought about each child. I want to help them and let them see that they CAN have a future! I want them to know my Savior like I do and even deeper. I want them to feel His presence and be amazed by His works. I want them to know how much I adore them, love them, and would do anything for them to know Christ. They need to know how special, beauitful, smart and talented they are.

With tears in my eyes, I could just feel the pain of the kids. They are so little but have been through so much. Just the thought of abandonment alone is horrifying and also some have been abused, hungry, and so much more. Pray for a little boy at the orphanage named Jesus. We call him Chuma and he just turned 11. He is on my heart a lot and I know what he has been through and the more I am in Tijuana the more I see the pain. He has a lot of troubles but has a sweet heart. I know if he would give everything to the Lord that he would be a great servant of Christ.

I watched the movie Bordertown lately and it is about the girls who were raped and murdered in Juarez, Mexico. In the movie it reminded me a lot of Tijuana. All the prostitution and poverty as they would show the city. How the police really don't care about the people and how corrupt the government is. I kept thinking of the people I cherish so much and made me believe even more that we can not be afraid. We need to stand up and truly help the people of Mexico. I hear all the time that I am crazy to serve there because it is so "horrible" but I always say... but who else will go? I have been called and I will not go against what the Lord is telling me. And the safest place for me to be is in the center of God's will!

Sergio (the missionary I work with) told me to read Isaiah 62: 1-4a, 6-7, 12 and to switch the name Jerusalem for Tijuana:

"For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,

for Tijuana’s sake I will not remain quiet,

till her vindication shines out like the dawn,

her salvation like a blazing torch.

The nations will see your vindication,

and all kings your glory;

you will be called by a new name

that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,

a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,

or name your land Desolate.....

I have posted watchmen on your walls, Tijuana;

they will never be silent day or night.

You who call on the LORD,

give yourselves no rest,

and give him no rest till he establishes Tijuana

and makes her the praise of the earth...

They will be called the Holy People,

the Redeemed of the LORD;

and you will be called Sought After,

the City No Longer Deserted."

The Lord is working in Tijuana and I believe He is going to change things in His time :) I leave for Tijuana on May 25th for 5 weeks then had off to Africa in September.

If you want to help with my missions you can donate at www.cwomissions.org and do down to the bottom of the page and click on "donate now" then under "donation type" scroll down to my name :)

This is not our home...

When friends betray us


When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart


That this is not, this is not our home,
 It's not our home



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops


What if Your healing comes through tears


And what if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near


What if my greatest disappointments


Or the aching of this life


Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy


And what if trials of this life


The rain, the storms, the hardest nights 
Are Your mercies in disguise

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I see myself and what I truly am in the Lord. I don’t know what the Lord completely wants from me but I am trying to hear His voice through all of the stuff going on in my life. I love the song “Blessings” by Laura Story… my favorite part is “This is not our home.” I really love thinking about when I finally get to see my Savior face to face.

Life has been kind of crazy lately and I am back at home visiting family. I went home in March for a little bit then back to Tijuana for my birthday and some other wonderful things. The Lord really blessed the time but I still have this pain in my heart from hurt friendships. I keep thinking… maybe if I could just stop caring about what people think of me or even what I think of myself when I look in the mirror than life would get better. In it all it is going to take trusting in the Lord to get over those things. But God blessed the time with a great miracle of a new 15-passenger van for the orphanage!

When I was home in March the Lord raised over $4,300 in 2 weeks to bless City of Angels. So I went back at the beginning of April so pumped to buy a van! We found a van in a newspaper ad of all places for $2,650 but it didn’t have seats. BUT the next day someone was selling the exact seats that we needed for only $150. God’s hand was guiding every moment of that whole thing. I remember telling the director Israel, “I believe God wants this van for the orphanage WAY more than we could ever imagine.” It is a beautiful van and such a blessing. And we were able to fix two other cars in the orphanage :)

My birthday was a surprise of love and hugs. The little girls woke me up at 5:50am to sing me a special Mexican birthday song. It was super cute and then they all jumped on me to hug me. The whole day was great and in the evening the kids had a party for me where they put my cake in my face. I truly love the people in Tijuana.

I want to thank you all for all your prayers. I am headed back to Tijuana may 25^th-June 30^th. Then I head off to Burkina Faso, Africa in September for 3 months. I am working through Christian World Outreach and in an orphanage called Sheltering Wings. I will be able to work in a school and clinic too! I am excited to see what the Lord has in store. Please pray for all the preparations and everything.

Also, thank you so much for your prayers for my friend Chuy (Jesus). He is at home now but the doctors did tell him that he will not be able to receive a transplant because his body is just so sick and weak. Please keep pray for him. I love him with all my heart and God can do a miracle but I have to not be selfish and let him go if the Lord wants him. He is suffering a lot but is better than he was earlier in the month.

Thanks again and God bless.