Learning to be more selfless

Lately I have been so tired because it seems that I am constantly surrounded by children with no break. Then I hug them and I remember why I am here. I have been paying more attention to see how the children react to different things and they way they treat me. I know that they love me, I can see it and feel it. But they ask me so much for everything-- I cannot tell you how many times a day I get asked if one of them can have 5 pesos or if they can watch one of my movies, or use something of mine. Its this never ending give and give and give-- I don't hardly ever give them money except for maybe 50 cents for some chips when they go to school. I hate when they ask for money. And then when I say no I hear, You are horrible or I don't love you anymore! I always scream back, LIES! and we smile.

I love the children here with all of my heart and even when they say mean things or hurt me in someway or try to use me, I know that I am where I am suppose to be. Hugging these children is the delight of my life. When the cuddle up in your arms there is no comparison...

I have been trying to be more into God's word and to really hunger for it. To make it an everyday thing that isn't something I feel like I have to do BUT that I want to do it because its God's love letter to me. In the book I am reading.. Radical by David Platt-- he talks about is the Word of God enough for us? Or do we need all the other stuff in the church? I want to be one of those followers of Christ that gives EVERYTHING to Him... and that I would be willing to be killed in His name. It's difficult to imagine looking into your persecutors eyes and praising the Lord that you are suffering BUT its something that we have to be willing to do.

My prayer is to become more like Jesus and how he lived-- he was so blunt and real. I love that. This last week we walked in a march in downtown Tijuana. There were thousands of people there proclaiming that Jesus is King! It was great to walk with the kids.

I praise the Lord that He is so faithful and that He knows what He is doing. My friend Jesus is not well... I went today to see him and he is struggling a lot. His lungs and heart are full of fluid and he can't breathe well. He has two hernias and is in so much pain. I wish I could do something for him... I feel so helpless. I prayed with him and told him that I love him. His attitude is different and he is kind of angry. It makes it more difficult. But I pray for him constantly and I know God has a plan.