Estoy en Tijuana

Hey everyone,

I am back in Tijuana and loving on some beautiful children. God is good and working. I have been praying a lot for the kids and for God to show me needs that need to be met. We are searching for a desktop computer for the orphanage because our other brokedown. A friend of mine is going to help some but It would be amazing in the end to get the more than one... to bless them more in the long run!

The kids keep thinking that I am going to leave them... its not real to them that I am staying for another month. EVerytime I go out of the orphanage or if I am carrying a bag they freak out and ask if I am going home. I love them so much

Today we went to the movies and saw the movie Rio which is about some birds. The kids were so happy. Thank you for all your prayers and I hope to keep you all updated.. we don't have internet at the orphanage right now, I am just going to an internet store.

thanks again!
Tenielle

Love them like Jesus

The past week or so I been listening to the Bible in audio form and I have enjoyed it tremendously. I wish I would have had that when I kept having terrifying nightmares in Mexico.I have been listening to the smaller books in the Old Testament and things have been popping out at me... like: "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land."- Malachi 3:12 OR "Lord, I have heard of your fame, I stand in awe of Your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known: in wrath remember mercy."- Habakkuk 3:2

Have I really ever stood completely in awe of our God? Have you? I just thought I would share them with you.

But, anyways, I am heading back to Tijuana this coming wednesday and for some reason I am a little nervous. I have been there tons of times but my nerves are kicking in. I think that satan is trying to bring me down BUT I believe that if satan is working against me that, that means God has something huge in store for this 5 week trip.

I wanted to ask you for your prayers for the kids and for me. I have realized more and more that prayers are what is getting me through. I love the kids at City of Angels with all of my heart-- through all odds I continue to have this passion for them to have a future, to be safe, and to realize how much Jesus loves them. I want them so badly to be servants of our great servant. And one day i hope they all are. I thought of the song "Love them like Jesus" by Casting crowns and here are the lyrics that got to me:

"Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him

His yoke is easy, His burden is light

You don't need the answers to all of life's questions

Just know that He loves them and stay by their side

Love them like Jesus"

Do we really love the people around us like Jesus? We can't just love the ones who are easy to love but we are called to love all. All the forgotten, drugged, crazy, scary, homeless, orphaned, rich and poor. A friend sent me a quote the other day that blessed me BEYOND belief and I hope that it touches your heart as well.

"Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.

They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.

It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms.

But once you do, everything changes." - David Platt

That quote brings tears to my eyes, the children at City of Angels Orphanage changed everything in my life. This little boy in the picture above is my beautiful, intelligent, Luis. He is 12 years old and my days are not complete without a hug from this gorgeous boy. He has captured my heart. I hope you are all blessed and I thank you for all your support so far. I will try to keep up on my adventures through the next 6 weeks or so.

Never forget the Faithfulness of Our God!

I am so amazed by our great Father. I am raising support and still have quite a ways to go but it still amazes me that anyone would give. I mean... who am I to serve? To be a missionary? WOW the Lord uses you when you least expect it and when you feel so unworthy.

Constantly on the field I feel unworthy of the calling the Lord has put in front of my face but I still listen for His voice. Last night I was praying for my kids in Tijuana and my heart started to hurt. I began to cry deeply as I thought about each child. I want to help them and let them see that they CAN have a future! I want them to know my Savior like I do and even deeper. I want them to feel His presence and be amazed by His works. I want them to know how much I adore them, love them, and would do anything for them to know Christ. They need to know how special, beauitful, smart and talented they are.

With tears in my eyes, I could just feel the pain of the kids. They are so little but have been through so much. Just the thought of abandonment alone is horrifying and also some have been abused, hungry, and so much more. Pray for a little boy at the orphanage named Jesus. We call him Chuma and he just turned 11. He is on my heart a lot and I know what he has been through and the more I am in Tijuana the more I see the pain. He has a lot of troubles but has a sweet heart. I know if he would give everything to the Lord that he would be a great servant of Christ.

I watched the movie Bordertown lately and it is about the girls who were raped and murdered in Juarez, Mexico. In the movie it reminded me a lot of Tijuana. All the prostitution and poverty as they would show the city. How the police really don't care about the people and how corrupt the government is. I kept thinking of the people I cherish so much and made me believe even more that we can not be afraid. We need to stand up and truly help the people of Mexico. I hear all the time that I am crazy to serve there because it is so "horrible" but I always say... but who else will go? I have been called and I will not go against what the Lord is telling me. And the safest place for me to be is in the center of God's will!

Sergio (the missionary I work with) told me to read Isaiah 62: 1-4a, 6-7, 12 and to switch the name Jerusalem for Tijuana:

"For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,

for Tijuana’s sake I will not remain quiet,

till her vindication shines out like the dawn,

her salvation like a blazing torch.

The nations will see your vindication,

and all kings your glory;

you will be called by a new name

that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,

a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,

or name your land Desolate.....

I have posted watchmen on your walls, Tijuana;

they will never be silent day or night.

You who call on the LORD,

give yourselves no rest,

and give him no rest till he establishes Tijuana

and makes her the praise of the earth...

They will be called the Holy People,

the Redeemed of the LORD;

and you will be called Sought After,

the City No Longer Deserted."

The Lord is working in Tijuana and I believe He is going to change things in His time :) I leave for Tijuana on May 25th for 5 weeks then had off to Africa in September.

If you want to help with my missions you can donate at www.cwomissions.org and do down to the bottom of the page and click on "donate now" then under "donation type" scroll down to my name :)

This is not our home...

When friends betray us


When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart


That this is not, this is not our home,
 It's not our home



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops


What if Your healing comes through tears


And what if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near


What if my greatest disappointments


Or the aching of this life


Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy


And what if trials of this life


The rain, the storms, the hardest nights 
Are Your mercies in disguise

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I see myself and what I truly am in the Lord. I don’t know what the Lord completely wants from me but I am trying to hear His voice through all of the stuff going on in my life. I love the song “Blessings” by Laura Story… my favorite part is “This is not our home.” I really love thinking about when I finally get to see my Savior face to face.

Life has been kind of crazy lately and I am back at home visiting family. I went home in March for a little bit then back to Tijuana for my birthday and some other wonderful things. The Lord really blessed the time but I still have this pain in my heart from hurt friendships. I keep thinking… maybe if I could just stop caring about what people think of me or even what I think of myself when I look in the mirror than life would get better. In it all it is going to take trusting in the Lord to get over those things. But God blessed the time with a great miracle of a new 15-passenger van for the orphanage!

When I was home in March the Lord raised over $4,300 in 2 weeks to bless City of Angels. So I went back at the beginning of April so pumped to buy a van! We found a van in a newspaper ad of all places for $2,650 but it didn’t have seats. BUT the next day someone was selling the exact seats that we needed for only $150. God’s hand was guiding every moment of that whole thing. I remember telling the director Israel, “I believe God wants this van for the orphanage WAY more than we could ever imagine.” It is a beautiful van and such a blessing. And we were able to fix two other cars in the orphanage :)

My birthday was a surprise of love and hugs. The little girls woke me up at 5:50am to sing me a special Mexican birthday song. It was super cute and then they all jumped on me to hug me. The whole day was great and in the evening the kids had a party for me where they put my cake in my face. I truly love the people in Tijuana.

I want to thank you all for all your prayers. I am headed back to Tijuana may 25^th-June 30^th. Then I head off to Burkina Faso, Africa in September for 3 months. I am working through Christian World Outreach and in an orphanage called Sheltering Wings. I will be able to work in a school and clinic too! I am excited to see what the Lord has in store. Please pray for all the preparations and everything.

Also, thank you so much for your prayers for my friend Chuy (Jesus). He is at home now but the doctors did tell him that he will not be able to receive a transplant because his body is just so sick and weak. Please keep pray for him. I love him with all my heart and God can do a miracle but I have to not be selfish and let him go if the Lord wants him. He is suffering a lot but is better than he was earlier in the month.

Thanks again and God bless.

To be called a gift..

Living each day here makes me realize more and more how blessed I am. The Lord is truly working and His hands are protecting us in Tijuana. I haven't written in awhile and LOTS has happened in the past month or so. In January I actually went home for 2 weeks to see my Pastor who is dying of brain cancer. It was a good time of refreshing my spirit and making me realize that I am in the center of our greatGod's will. I cameback to children screaming and running to give me great big hugs. My favorite moment was when 3 year old Josue came up and wouldn't let me go. We cuddled for the next 5 days almost the whole time when I was aroundhim. Our cook Teresa asked him.. "Josue, what is Tenielle to you?" he said, "a gift." Tears came into my eyes as I squeezed this little boy in my arms. I couldn't believe it. No onetold him to say that. My heart just melted and I kept thinking... how am I goingto be able to be away from them?

We are moving into the new girls dorm this week. My mom came last week to bless us. She painted little animals all over the new dorm and the girls were SO excited! It was good to show my mom even more how much I love this place. I have been praying a lot about what God has in store for me next. I know that I only have around 3 weeks left here then I will head home for a little while. I want to raise money for this place, Sergio, and my missions. The orphanage really needs a new car. I want to raise around

$2000 to get them a newer used car for them to be able to have to do things. I would love to also raise money to get another 15 passenger van. Ours are so run-down and break constantly. It makes me sad.

We spent the weekend with a couple from

Australia. They took the kids to tacos, the movies, an amusement park, and a park/zoo. It was a busy weekend of fun. I went on roller coasters with the kids. On the one that goes up-side-down I went with Geovany who is 8 years old. He dug his nails into my arm and screamed SO loud. It was ridiculous but a lot of fun. Most of the time I was responsible for 5 year old Alan. He is so precious! We had so much fun going on lots of different rides and his eyes would get so big! haha.

One of my favorite moments was when we got back to the orphanage my 12 year old Jeovany came up to me to give me a big hug and kiss goodnight. He said, "tenielle let me kiss you on the cheek to make the other girls jealous!" hahaha I laughed so much. :) I just adore these children.

One monday Sergio and I took my mom around to different places in Tijuana. We went to the hospice for a little bit, the Old Folks Home,

visited some poor families, and saw my friend Jesus. Jesus needs so much prayer. He is struggling. He has two ulcers, a hernia, bleeding in his esophagus, and then constantly on dialysis for his kidney failure. As I walked into his house I thought he was dead... my heart stopped. He was sleeping. But SO deeply that when I talked to him and touched him it didn't affect him at all. He had taken pills to help him sleep cause he hadn't slept in days. I just pray that the Lord will heal him and give him this transplant soon.

I praise the Lord everyday for the great people I live/work with in Tijuana. :) No matter where I go or what I do I know they will constantly be with me. Please pray for us! Prayer is what gets us through and if you want to help us just let me know :)

Busy life.. but good times and lots of hugs.

Wow! Life has been so crazy and busy. The orphanage has had group after group bringing gifts to the kids and throwing them fun parties. What a blessing! Right now a lot of the kids are away with family members.. we are done to like 15 kids right now. Which is okay. I have been super busy trying to keep up with the season and trying to find gifts for children who don't have anything in the area. Finally we are finding some things and going to wrap them tomorrow. I am excited to see it all work out.

My friend Jesus who is 23 and has kidney failure

is struggling tremendously. At the beginning of the month he was suppose to get his transplant. He went

to his "last" appointment with his doctor and found out that his doctor is moving to a different state in Mexico and he has to find another doctor to do the surgery. So he has to start theprocess all over again! I cried when i found out the news. I couldn't believe it! We were so close for this boy to be healthy again. I don't understand. So we are checking into other hospitals in Tijuana to see if they will take him. But it is going to be a lot money we believe. So I have a feeling we will be having some fund-raisers soon for this young man. His faith astounds me. He was like Tenielle, it will all be okay. God has a plan. I was like this is crazy! He is in a lot of pain.. his blood count is down and he can't breath well because of all the water pushing on his lungs. He said to me the other day, "tenielle, all i want is to drink some water! please can i just have a glass of water." Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks that he can't even drink water.. he is always thirsty. This young man is so special in my heart. I believe God gave me a special love for him. I would do anything to see him healthy. A friend and I are going to go buy some food for him and his family. They are super poor and he is just eating beans and rice. He needs fruits and veggies and things.. he needs to be healthy. One day i believe that my friend will have this surgery and will live a life without dialysis.

It is raining a lot and streets are flooded. It is tough to drive but we are getting by.. trying not to leave to much. This Christmas is going to be good. I can't wait to be with the kids on Christmas and just share it with them. One of the little girls, Ana, asked me what my family was doing for Christmas.. I told her that they will have a party and things. I said that a lot of people are going to be there but i decided that it was more important to spend my Christmas with you, my beautiful Ana! She smiled super big. I love the kids here so much. I am planning on Christmas day to go hand out food to the homeless by the border with some Mexican teens that I go to church with. I think it will be such a good experience.

I thank the Lord everyday for these wonderful

people and even though I struggle I know that I

am here for a reason. When I hug the kids I can't

help but think... seriously WHO AM I to deserve to be in their lives? Such amazing children with gorgeous smiles and warm hearts.

I am working with another mission now too.. they are building two homes and a new clinic in the area. I am working with emailing the people who donate and keeping track of the donations. It is a lot of work but it is good. They begin the build next week and I hope it doesn't rain! This mission is such a blessing too.

I visited the Hospice the other day and it was amazing. I had missed them so much.. it had been a few weeks. They were so excited that I came. They were like.. YOU ARE HERE!!! It was so cute. I hugged them all super tight and saw some upsetting things but every time I go I realize that my heart is always with them. They are super special and amazing. I sang some songs for them and just talked for awhile. They smiled so big when I sang in Spanish. My friend, Raul, is a patient there and he was struggling with different things but he talked and everything. he was doing good.. well this time he was laying in a bed and looked so different. He had two blood clots to the brain and almost died. He can't talk anymore. i could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew who i was when i walked in. He looked at me with such want and desperation. I prayed with him and held his hand for awhile. He kept rubbing my hand. ONe of the workers said that he is usually really angry and doesn't like anyone around. I said, "well he seems okay with me.. maybe its because he remembers me." Alex, the worker, said... yah maybe with a big smile haha.

Well i hope you all have a Merry Christmas, thinking of the ONE who loves you the most. :) In church the other day the Pastor said something like, "The kingdom of God has dinner with the homeless and prostitutes." I was thinking about that a lot... The kingdom of God is not comfortable but challenging and real! Hugging the orphans.. feeding the hungry.. taking care of the sick.. and giving love to those who need it. This Christmas may we truly be the body of Christ and give.. not just receive.

healing my heart...

On Sunday I went with Sergio to the orphanage to pick up 3 of the boys to come to church with us. I walked into the orphanage with a big smile on my face. I hadn’t been there in a couple of days and I had missed my kids like crazy. The kids saw me and ran to me and hugged me super tight. So I went around and hugged each of the kids. They asked, “when are you coming back to live with us?” I told them, “Tonight, I am coming home!” They smiled so big! They kept asking how long I would be staying and I told them until I go home to Nebraska. I said, “I won’t leave you again.” It hurt them worse than I thought it would to have me stay at Sergio’s for over a week. Most of them thought that I was not going to live with them again.

We left for church and it was amazing. I sang on the worship team and sang a special song. For the first time I sang every song in Spanish! The Holy Spirit was definitely with us and God was singing through me because I got the words right. Haha. But I was blessed a lot by that time. They asked me to join their worship team full time. And the worship leader told me that his sister has a recording studio and he got me in for two songs. I thought that was pretty cool to be able to record in Tijuana. I spent the rest of my Sunday counting down the minutes until I was back in the orphanage. I couldn’t wait to be holding my kids all the time.

I came back in and was super excited. I spent a lot of time that night with the teenage girls, just catching up and being silly. I told them how much they mean to me and how much I missed them. Seriously to not living at City of Angels was like a piece missing in my heart everyday. But the time I spent away was such a time of trusting God to heal me and refresh my spirit. I was so down a week or so ago that I was wondering if I should be in Tijuana anymore. It was horrible.

On Monday the kids hugged me so much. It was one of my favorite days in my whole life. One little boy named Armando kept hugging me over and over again. Our cook, Teresa, asked him, “Who is Tenielle to you? Your friend, sister, or mommy?” He said, “My mommy! Right Tenielle, you are my mommy?” I said, “Yes, of course.” He squeezed me tight and told all the kids “Tenielle is my mommy!” Others started to ask if I was their mom too and I told them that they were all my kids. My boy Chuma asked me, “Am I your son? You are my mommy too, right?” I smiled and kissed him. And told him he is mine forever.

One of our little 3 year olds is named Josue and he is super sweet. He is always wanting held and cuddled. It makes my day when he screams my name and wants a hug. He calls me, “Te ne!” haha.

Later that night I was in the living room and saw my wonderful 6-year-old Arnold. I honestly adore this little boy. He has the greatest personality and smile. He asked me to help him get his shoes on and tie them. So I did. Afterward he hugged me super tight and said, “Did you miss me?” I said, “Yes! SO much!” He smiled and said, “I missed you a lot, Tenielle.” Then I told him that I loved him and he said me too. I told him, “Every night I would pray for him and hold my heart and say Oh Arnold, I miss you!” He said, “Every night I would hold my heart and say, Oh Tenielle, I miss you!”

I feel like the Lord was showing me more and more each day that I am walking in His will. Even through tough time I see His hand guiding me and showing me exactly where I should be. It’s amazing how much protection He has on us here. He is such a great God and I can’t thank Him enough for these people. I believe that all the problems in my heart will be healed and any relationships here that have been hurt will be brought back together and mended, in time.