With tears...

You are incapable of "true love" on your own.

The other day I was in my car bawling my eyes out and praying fiercely for the people in my life to know Christ. This pain came into my chest and I knew it was the burden for the people. I pray so much for the children I work with here in Tijuana, and their families. The selfishness of a lot of their parents sometimes breaks my heart, why can’t they just love their children and clean up their lives? Drugs, alcohol, relationships, etc… are put way above their own kids. I can’t imagine how God must feel in watching all of it.

“I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.”- Acts 20:31b

So, many times the evil one has defeated us with lies and stole from us our identity. He is screaming at us constantly how worthless we are and any kind of lie to get us to believe that God doesn’t really love us or that we will never be capable of anything. But the truth is… is that if we are Christ’s children then we can keep walking on the road to Him. We make the choice to listen to the devil and his demons. We let him come into our life because we are not covering ourselves with the armor of God. The Lord has faithfully given us clearly in His word how to live and how to sustain ourselves from falling back… but we are so stubborn, lazy, and ridiculous that we can’t just listen to the father who loves us.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground…” –Ephesians 6:12-13

I have to admit that I fall down in that road just stuck there at times, listening to the lies of that I will never be good enough for anyone or how could He chose me to work for His kingdom? And it’s my fault because I am not constantly in the word, praying and listening to the Lord. Putting myself in temptation because I think I can do it on my own. I not only need to continue to walk down the path straight to Christ but I truly want to strive in that. Seeking more of His face is going to show me what He wants, I don’t need to keep asking what He wants… but He will reveal in time, but He just wants me to know Him more and sing His praises with all my heart.

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.” – 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

My biggest struggle has been that my heart is divided. Half of it is definitely with the beautiful people in Africa and the other half is with the people here in Tijuana who I have called my family and home for the past three years. Lately people have been saying something that has been catching me off guard. I will be heading back to Nebraska in July for a couple of weeks, I tell the people here, “hey I am going be heading home soon for two weeks.” And they say back, “and then you will be coming back home to Tijuana.” Different people who don’t know me really that well have made that comment and it hits me. “Your home in Tijuana.” This place has definitely become a huge part of life that I just can’t walk away from, I have been asking for the Lord to reveal if I am finished or if I should continue with my work here at this time.

I made the comment at the beginning of this blog “you are incapable of true love on your own” I had written that on a page in my bible a long time ago. And it makes sense. I know that the love I have for people and children is not of me. There is no way that my heart could be filled with such overflowing and continuous love for people that I don’t even know unless it is of Christ. When I look at the children at the orphanage I am truly filled with a deep compassion and love that I can’t even explain. It’s sometimes so overwhelming that if I don’t see the kids for a few days something is missing in me. I have to drive to the orphanage just to hug them, see their smiling faces, and tell them that I adore them!

The Lord wants us so badly to live in the freedom that He has given us in Jesus Christ. To not listen to our enemy and to love unconditionally the people around us. “The death, resurrection, and ascension of Christ secured forever the final authority for Jesus. That authority was extended to all believers in the Great Commission so that we may continue His work of destroying the works of the devil.”- Neil T. Anderson (The Bondage Breaker) I love this quote because God has put it into our hands as followers of Christ to do what HE says, which is to go and make disciples of all nations. Where is your mission field? Do you really love the people around you like Christ does? So many people that I love are definitely spiritually dead but I have to keep myself in prayer for their souls, and I believe one day God will touch their hearts.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” -1 Corinthians 1:18