When will we wake up?

I have been thinking a lot lately about my walk with the Lord and how it should truly be looking like. And what I mean by "looking like" I mean.. how do I look like to the eyes of Jesus and to the gospel that HE presented? In the eyes of some of the people around me I think they have this view of me that is so funny at times. I have become this "missionary girl" or that is my "missionary friend"... Its like I have been put on this weird step up... And let me tell you all now that I am a sinner and so ridiculous. I am selfish and I struggle. I gave up my life a long time ago to the Lord and every day He is working on my heart. On the mission field I have been put to the test... satan has his way of attacking in every way he can. But I always run to the Lord and ask for his protection because I realized a long time ago that I need help, I can't do this alone.

Today I was talking with different Pastors in McCook about speaking at their churches about my love for the Lord and the work that He is doing in Tijuana. One of them told me that he talked to the elders and didn't think that they had time this summer to have me come speak. Then he asked me to tell him about what I do. I said, I live/work at an orphanage, help at a hospice, help at an Old Folks Home, build homes for poor families, and other things. He said, yeah... but how are you speaking the gospel? I want to know what you do and the mission you work with do, to give people the gospel?

I was struck by that... I wanted to say, didn't I just tell you that? Serving. Loving. Having Compassion. Building Relationships. Giving. Isn't that showing the gospel? Doesn't God call us in 1 John 3:18- "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

Someone else asked me that similar question before too-- I said, well we have Bible Studies almost every night at the orphanage. We pray with the kids. They have VBS and lots of other the things. I don't tell about that all the time because I feel like it is natural that we tell them about Jesus. When we build a home for the family, we share with them how much God loves them and one of my favorite things Israel, the director of house building and the orphanage, says, "we are building two homes today. One for your physical body and one for your heart. We are letting you know that the hole in your heart, the longing that you feel.. can only be filled by Jesus."

Sometimes I think that I should tell the stories more-- but sometimes I feel like a failure because I haven't "prayed" with someone to come to Christ on this trip, this time or whatever. But then I realize that we are building a house in a persons life. We are laying the cement or nailing up the walls or putting on the roof... one day we pray that it will all fit together and be finished. But, maybe I was just suppose to be the person who did a piece in the beginning or middle.. and that i don't get to see the end. the new creation. the fruit.

I believe that God calls us to meet people where they are-- be there for them. Through it all. I love the kids at the orphanage with everything that I am and I long for them to know Christ BUT i can't force them to know Jesus. They are the ones that have to make that choice. I can stick beside them, pray for them, and love them along the way. Its living the gospel OUT. Being an example. I once heard a missionary say, "How can you tell a woman, with her starving child in her arms, that Jesus loves her but not feed her baby?" That has stuck with me ever since. Helping meet someones physical needs opens a bigger door to helping them meet their spiritual needs as well. Building relationships and trust-- are HUGE.

We need to challenge ourselves to truly live out the gospel with our lives... If we love people like Jesus does than they will know the difference. I talk about God normally to everyone, no matter if they are a Christian or not. There is no harm in talking about someone you love with all your heart. I have noticed that when you don't push but just be real-- people will respect you for it.

I need to wake up more and more to the person God wants me to be. I need to challenge myself and hunger for His word. Who are you with Christ? Do you just know Him as the one you said a prayer to once so you got your ticket to heaven? Or do you really know Him as the awesome and holy Savior that He says He is?

** the pictures I put up along with this are pictures

that I love that I found with African Children. Also I edited this one with words and stuff-- it reminds me how blessed we are and how I need to pray.