opening my eyes

Hello everyone,

Life has been crazy the past ten days. We have had lots of groups come to the orphanage. I was able to spend time with some great new people from New York and some old friends. We built a house from Sunday-Wednesday. Through that time we were also able to raise over $4,000 to build another home in august. They raised the money through facebook actually. It was quite amazing to see what God can do.

I was able to go to the Mothers Day Party at the school with the kids from the orphanage on Tuesday. It was so cute. Each age group did a little skit, dance, or song. I loved it. One of the youngest girls called me Mama that day and I cried. I feel so unworthy of what is all going on. I’m glad that God knows what’s going on when I’m lost.

I have actually been kind of struggling the past couple days just with who I am. I know that Satan is trying so hard to make me upset and he was winning. I felt so helpless. I didn't know what God wanted me here for. I am still learning the language and struggling to communicate. How can I help these people? Also the teens are hard to read sometimes. They find a way to make me feel bad about something. I know that they are struggling too but its tough. But one night in my room after a tough day I read in my devotion that "God did NOT just love me when I was lovable but he loved me through it all" through all my nasty and dark and rude times. The Lord was patient with me. I think that, that is going to have to be my heart through my time with them. I mean honestly there is nothing else that I can do.

I have been able to see a lot of old friends, which has been so grand. Also I have been able to spend time with my friend Jesus. He came to the orphanage yesterday and was so happy. He has so much energy and I enjoyed our time together.

I am praying a lot through the soreness, blisters, bruises, sweat, and tears. I know our Lord is faithful and keeps His arms around me through this all. When I was at church on Sunday the Pastor read a passage in Luke 18:28-30 "peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you." "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and in the age to come, eternal life." After reading that my heart had this since of... is this me? Did I leave my life behind to be with these people? Am I serving the Lord with all that I am? Or am I still comfortable?

I’m still thinking about all of it. I hope the next couple of days will be a blessing for the kingdom of God.

Tonight I went to the hospital with the directors for the surgery of one of the girls. She was getting her appendices out. I saw her before she went in and she seemed happy that I showed up. I kissed her and told her I loved her. We came back after she was out of surgery. She was screaming for a long time and saying over and over again “oh my stomach” they didn’t give her any painkillers. That girl is strong. I went in and held her hand, talked to her, and petted her head. We calmed her down and started to pray for her. Israel the director kept saying don’t worry Jesus is here with us. She was so miserable. I cried being with her and praying for her. Before I left I got close to her ear and whispered in Spanish “I love you, my girl.” I kissed her on the cheek and we had to leave.

After that time my heart was broke and I am realizing that loving these people with the love of Christ is enough. They don’t care if I speak perfect Spanish or understand their culture completely but just being here and doing all that I can and loving them is enough.