Even though I am weak, YOU make me strong!

These last couple months has been some of the most shocking and emotional months of my life. Towards the end of July I was suppose to head back to Mexico but one Saturday night before I was about to leave, I felt in my heart that God wanted me to stay with my family for another week. I prayed and told the Lord if you provide today for me to buy another plane ticket, then I know it is your will for me to stay with my family. That day the Lord had opened a door for me to visit a church in McCook that I had never visited before, but I knew some people in the congregation, they had me speak about my mission and were praying if they should support me as a missionary. At the end of the service, the Pastor asked if people would give a special offering to me for whatever I needed. At the end the Pastor handed me the money and it was exactly what I needed to buy another plane ticket! I looked at my mom and said, I believe I am suppose to stay, she said I believe so too and I am so happy.  I went home to call the mission in Mexico to ask if I could stay another week since my grandfather was so bad, and they said, stay as long as you need too.

“If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” Romans 14:8

For the next 3 days I spent all day at the nursing home with my grandfather as I watched him stop eating, talking, or even really able to do anything. I would ask him if he wanted me to sing for him and he would shake his head yes. But every time I would start to sing, I found myself just start to cry. We talked to him and held his hand, on Wednesday evening I kissed him on the head and told him how much I loved him. And then walked out with my mom, feeling like he would be going home with Jesus that night. After midnight, the phone rang and I knew what it was, that he was gone. Even though I knew exactly where he was my heart hurt so much to let go of someone I love so much. A friend came over to be with me, to help me through the difficultness and I couldn’t sleep. At around 5am, I finally fell asleep and at around 7:15am I got a call from my mom in a panic that my other grandfather was dead in his bed at home. I couldn’t believe it!! How could this be? What do you mean the other one is gone? That just doesn’t make any sense. She said, I know but I can’t do this, please call the family and get here now. I then began trying to call everyone but no one was answering, finally I got a hold of a cousin so he could help me tell the others. Then I finally got a hold of my dad to tell him that his father was dead. My friend came back over to pick me up and at that point I was hysterical. She took me over to my grandparents so I could help. I saw the police car and it became even more real, as I walked in the door I happened to know the police officer, he hugged me and told me how sorry he was for losing both of my grandfathers in the same night. I went to see his body, and he was gone. I just couldn’t believe it.

We began to plan for both funerals and decided to do them on the same day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I went to the church that day to record the songs for the funerals because I knew I wouldn’t have been able to get through it on the day. Watching both sides of my family grieve through the losses of both of grandfathers was incredibly difficult. All the images stick so clearly in my mind. I do know that it is only by the grace and strength of God that I was able to stay strong through the whole situation. I left for Mexico the day after the funerals, and I came back to a lot of work and difficulty. Soon our directors will be leaving, and others will be taking over. A lot of people are leaving, and at times I feel like I am going to be alone in my work. But I know the Lord will give me the strength and I love these kids more than anything. I know with all of my heart that they need me to be here, and to love them through each day of this transition. I believe that God has big plans for City of Angels, and I am honored for all the days the Lord gives me in being here.

“You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not gave way.” –Psalm 18: 35-36

Through all the difficulties and a lot of work, we have gained 7 amazingly beautiful little kids who joined our orphanage family. We are truly so blessed. And having all the children back and starting school is always a joy-- even though it is so much work, seeing them all again brings me such happiness. Please be praying for us through this whole transition, and for this new school year to be prosperous!

When I got back, I thought Oh Lord, we need a huge amount of money for uniforms and shoes, plus tons of school supplies and we are running low in our pantries on food and toiletries. I was praying so much and hoping the Lord would cover each aspect of the orphanage. He starting touching hearts and Lord has covered all of our needs for uniforms and shoes! And He has been speaking greatly into people to give donations of food, supplies, and so much more! My heart was just bursting with happiness!

In all of this last month, and even this whole year.. I can see God at work in my life. Through the last couple of days as I watch our directors move their things out and I am completely in the dark to know what is going to happen next I felt Gods voice whisper in my ear.. "Do you trust me?" And I thought.. yes, yes I do! I trust my Heavenly Father more than anyone or anything.. And I know He loves these kids more than I. Thank you to everyone that has surrounded me and my family through all of this difficult time. Continue to lift all of us and this ministry up in prayer. 

This isn't our home..

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”- Eph. 1:3-5

It has taken me awhile to put this post up... but I share it with all my heart. 

Wednesday March 12^th, at 2pm I received a call that I will never forget, “Jesús went home to be with the Lord.” I happened to be in a restaurant with a friend, I looked at him and said I needed to go to the car. When I got to the car I couldn’t stop sobbing- my heart was broken, how could my best friend be gone? How could someone I love so much be gone? For those of you who don’t know who Jesús (Chuy) is: let me share with you a story.

In the summer of 2007, I first came to Tijuana with my church group and fell in love with Mexico. At Sergio’s house, where groups stay, were also living 5 young men. One of them being Jesús. We became friends that first year, he was a young man full of life! In the next year, he became ill with kidney failure. When I found this all out, my heart broke in two and I couldn’t stop praying for him, and in all honesty I didn’t know him very well yet but he was special in my heart. When I moved to Tijuana in 2009, Jesús and I became very close… I started to help him a lot in his illness—taking him to the hospital, buying special food or medicine, visiting him, spending time with him. Through the years our friendship grew and he became someone that was always encouraging me in my work for the Lord. He was struggling and waiting each month for a transplant- for answers. We would take him 3 times a week for dialysis to the hospital for the last 5 years. Throughout all of this, watching his faith increase and his love for Christ beam from him was a true honor. When I would leave Tijuana, to visit home or to serve in Africa, one of the hardest people to leave was Jesús because I didn’t know if he would make it. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions that is for sure! 

This last January the Lord finally opened the door for Jesús to receive a new kidney; his younger sister was going to give it to him. The transplant was in place and we were all praying! Everything went great and he was getting better it was the miracle he had been waiting for, for 6 years! Because he was so delicate, I only got to see him once through a window, and I remember him beaming as he stood there with a medical mask on- I could tell he was smiling through his eyes. He was making fun of me and I couldn’t believe how good he looked! I was so happy for him. We would talk on the phone daily for a while and then every other day—it was wonderful to hear his voice. At the end of February he started to have a lot of pain, he went back into the hospital and we would talk some. Then, he stopped answering his phone and we got the news that his body was rejecting his new kidney and he was back on dialysis. He wasn’t doing well. We were all in constant prayer and I would call his mom to see how he was, he was in the same state—delicate and fading. Then in the morning on the 12^th of March he went home to be with his Savior.

The viewing service was a couple of days later and Sergio asked me to sing and play guitar. I walked in and seeing his family was difficult because of the pain they were feeling. I prayed a lot to make it through the songs; they were two songs that Jesús and I used to sing together. Sergio had me say a few words as well, which I wasn’t prepared for but God was at work. Through each testimony and song that night you could feel the presence of the Lord fill that room. Seeing him in the casket was difficult and I kept thinking oh how I wished that we could have been able to speak in his last week of life. His mom spoke; she told us how in his last days he wanted to thank everyone who had been beside him through it all and especially those in prayer and support. And that he was going to be dying—he couldn’t breathe anymore and he knew he was going to be with the Lord. Hugging his mom and sisters they thanked me and told me how much he had loved me. I kept thinking, I am the one who should be thanking him… I told his mom how bad I felt that I couldn’t speak to him in his last week, she shared that he would always ask if I had called her to see how he was and that he was thinking of him and making sure I knew what was going on. The next morning we buried him, things are so different in Mexico. We watched as they put the dirt on top of the casket and put the wooden cross in front of the grave… the whole process was extremely difficult. Watching his mom kneel in the dirt at his grave just sobbing, longing for him to come back, broke me to pieces. I just held his sisters as we sobbed together missing someone we loved so much. 

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” –Galatians 6:9-10

Through all of this, God was at work in the hearts of the ones that loved Jesús; he was a testimony that changed lives for the kingdom of God. It was such an honor to be in his presence as long as we did have him. In thinking back through all of the years, I do know that working along side Jesús in his illness and serving the Lord with him was one of the biggest reasons, I believe, God brought me to Tijuana. Please continue to pray for his family and all of us who loved him so much, to have peace and that Christ would fill us in this time of pain.

I know the Jesús would want me to thank each and everyone of you who have prayed and supported him throughout the years; you made a difference and were a blessing in his life and his family. Thank you so much for all of your support and prayers for me as well. I know the reason I am getting through all of this and even able to get out of bed, is from the prayers that others are saying on my behalf.

Through everything that happened, I know with all of my heart that my friend is with His Savior and they are dancing together. He fought for a long time but now he is finally completely healed and home! And I will miss him everyday but I praise the Lord that when I go home to Heaven, Jesús will be there to greet me along side the King of Kings. 

“Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves Me.” - John 12:26

What is our mission really?

What is the motive and goal of your mission? Is it to educate the children? Is it to feed the hungry? Is it to give clean water to the thirsty? Is it to bring good medical care to the needy and sick?

All of these things are a temporary help that are only prolonging a life on this earth, and preparing someone to live longer or somewhat better.

But what is our goal really as Christian, as missionaries, as workers for the Lord?

It is not to just help them live in this life but prepare them for the next. The thing is no matter how much education you give a child, no matter how much food, clothing, water, medical care… if they do not have love and Christ… they are going to hell.

If we free someone from slavery or a girl from sex trafficking but don’t give them the opportunity to know Jesus, they are still enslaved and trafficked by sin.

So many times, I see that we are putting so much focus on how well a child did in school or how they will succeed in this world that we don’t focus on what is eternally important—what they are doing and becoming for the kingdom of God. Jesus doesn’t care when you come to him if you have a medical degree or if you didn’t even finished primary school, if you adore him, love him, live for him, worship him… we are equal in His presence. We are children of God.

Sometimes I believe we as the church have things backwards in the way we look at our world. We are looking at the success rate instead of the heart of the people. What are the greatest commandments of the Lord? To love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love your Neighbor as yourself… He also told us to go and make disciples of all nations…

What are we pushing in the field? For them to know Christ and succeed in the kingdom of God OR to have success in this world? We should be loving the people where they are and helping them to see Jesus and HE will lead them to be great in the way he wants. Maybe not all of us are suppose to have a high school or college education but to reach people where we are and how we are… a high school drop out can have more success reaching people for the kingdom of God than one of the greatest scientists. I feel like the more education we rely on, the more we rely on material possessions… we don’t look towards Christ but we look at the world to fill us.

I am not saying that we shouldn’t work hard for children to educated and to succeed but maybe our focus shouldn’t be in that, but in working on their hearts. Who cares really if someone has finished their degree in university? Does God look down upon on them? Look how many people are educated and have everything and want to do nothing with our Lord.

What is the focus of my mission? I want to love people and children with all my heart and be a constant example to them of Christ. I want to teach them how beautiful and wanted they are to the Lord. I want them to love the Lord Jesus with all their hearts and be successful in this life to come. I wouldn’t love a child more if he had an 8^th grade education or a college education because we are all the creation of God and He can use us to do great things!

I want to feed the hungry, give a home to the orphaned, give clean water to the thirsty, have schools to help children learn, help the elderly and sick… but with all of those things they are just a way to show Christ to them, an open door to love them and lead them to the Savior. We are suppose to care about the poor, but not only care but give up everything to them because that is what Christ did. He had compassion on them and loved them with all he was, he didn’t pity them but saw them as they were, humbled himself to their level and showed them truth. I want always my mission to be focused on loving the people, being examples, and leading them to the Savior… speaking truth, and have the kingdom of God first in our minds instead of the success of this world, which will pass away.

"He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world!"- 1 John 2:2

Do you love me?

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." -1 John 4:12

I was reading through some of my old journals of my last year... and last summer I was able to preach at a church in Burkina. And I was praying a lot about what the Lord would like me to share with the people. And the thing that came to my heart was LOVE! - The love the Lord has for us (the cross.. giving his only son as a sacrifice 'ultimate love'), falling in love with the Lord, loving others, and being examples of HIS LOVE. When going through the points of the sermon and thinking through it all a story came to my heart...

Sometime in the fall of 2012, I was visiting the Old Folks Home in Tijuana, Mexico that we help out. I hadn't been in awhile because of the busyness at the orphanage. And I remember walking around to different people in wheelchairs as they sit outside in the courtyard greeting them... There was a man who rolled up to me and said, "Do you remember me?" I said, yes! I recalled in my mind of a time in the spring when a group of nurses and doctors came to help, and I was the translator for a doctor. I was his shadow helping and translating each thing so we could help the people. This man had a horrible foot infection and we were helping him. Then he said, "Do you love me?" I remember it caught me off guard, and I said, "of course, I love you so much and so does Jesus." Then he said with tears in his eyes, "Really do you love me?" I said, "yes, I love you very much!" He smiled and said, "I love you too."

Later when I was leaving the home, he saw me again and he said loudly, "always remember that I love you!" That moment has stuck in my mind since it happened. I could see in that mans eyes so desperately who much he wanted someone to love him, he just even wanted someone to say it to him. I will never forget those words and moments. I know it was Christ, I could feel that he was moving and speaking.

The Love of God is strong and mighty! It is beyond what we could ever imagine, and it shows up in all places, countries, races, languages, towns, cities, homes, etc.. I read the other day a quote... "ethnic boundaries become ethnic blessings" - John Piper.  That made my heart so happy, because it is so true.. through all of my time serving the Lord in other countries there are moments that are difficult at times with culture and habits... but after awhile when you truly invest in the people you are with, the things that were "difficult" become blessings of learning and growing and love. Of course there will always been struggles.. But I think we all need to change, if I went on to the mission field thinking-- I am going to make a difference in the lives of these people, because I have it all together -- that is not true, it is a two sided relationship... you grow and change and become more like Christ through the people as well. It is not just you giving, but you are gaining a lot! More than you could ever describe... because you are gaining more glimpses of the Kingdom of God!

Comprehending the Love of God is a process that I believe will take me until I meet Jesus face to face.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:32-36