Learning to be more selfless

Lately I have been so tired because it seems that I am constantly surrounded by children with no break. Then I hug them and I remember why I am here. I have been paying more attention to see how the children react to different things and they way they treat me. I know that they love me, I can see it and feel it. But they ask me so much for everything-- I cannot tell you how many times a day I get asked if one of them can have 5 pesos or if they can watch one of my movies, or use something of mine. Its this never ending give and give and give-- I don't hardly ever give them money except for maybe 50 cents for some chips when they go to school. I hate when they ask for money. And then when I say no I hear, You are horrible or I don't love you anymore! I always scream back, LIES! and we smile.

I love the children here with all of my heart and even when they say mean things or hurt me in someway or try to use me, I know that I am where I am suppose to be. Hugging these children is the delight of my life. When the cuddle up in your arms there is no comparison...

I have been trying to be more into God's word and to really hunger for it. To make it an everyday thing that isn't something I feel like I have to do BUT that I want to do it because its God's love letter to me. In the book I am reading.. Radical by David Platt-- he talks about is the Word of God enough for us? Or do we need all the other stuff in the church? I want to be one of those followers of Christ that gives EVERYTHING to Him... and that I would be willing to be killed in His name. It's difficult to imagine looking into your persecutors eyes and praising the Lord that you are suffering BUT its something that we have to be willing to do.

My prayer is to become more like Jesus and how he lived-- he was so blunt and real. I love that. This last week we walked in a march in downtown Tijuana. There were thousands of people there proclaiming that Jesus is King! It was great to walk with the kids.

I praise the Lord that He is so faithful and that He knows what He is doing. My friend Jesus is not well... I went today to see him and he is struggling a lot. His lungs and heart are full of fluid and he can't breathe well. He has two hernias and is in so much pain. I wish I could do something for him... I feel so helpless. I prayed with him and told him that I love him. His attitude is different and he is kind of angry. It makes it more difficult. But I pray for him constantly and I know God has a plan.

Days of Miracles

I am constantly looking at myself and wondering why out of millions lost was I chosen?! But then I think of how faithful and loving our Lord is to have me even though I am imperfect and unfaithful. God has completely left me in awe in the past week and I praise Him for His faithfulness, protection and guidance in my life.

A group from Nebraska came down to bless us lately and worked really hard at the orphanage and building a house for a family. One of my favorite moments was being able to go to the house on the last day and meet the family. The group had not met the father of the house yet because he was always working but he showed up in the middle of the day and the first thing he asked me was, can i help? I said, jump on in this is your house! :) Later in the day, Israel (director of the orphanage and house.building) had this young man come aside to talk. He

began with, Do you know that we are building two houses? This material one you see and the second on is in your heart for Jesus Christ. I was in complete awe as Israel presented the gospel with such passion and ease. He told him, I have the best gift in the world and I want to give it to you, its my Savior Jesus.

Later we prayed as an entire group for the family and then Israel asked him, are you ready to except Jesus as your Savior? yes or no? he said, I am ready! And they went over and he asked Christ to be his Savior. I was crying as I saw this man join the kingdom of Heaven. It was a beautiful moment of a miracle.

The next day we took the group to church, then off to tacos, and then to Sam's Club to buy things for a few places that needed food and supplies. We first headed over to the Hospice where I hadn't been in months. They were pretty excited to see me and I hugged them so tight. A lot were gone but that seems to happen a lot. i was blessed tremendously by the time we were there. One lady who I have known for almost 2 years now said that she loved me dearly and missed me a lot. She said, when I die will you take care of my children? I couldn't believe she said it... i was in shock.. She smiled at me and kissed me goodbye. I left with tears..

Then we stopped by the Womens Shelter and next the Old Folks Home. At the old folks home I was able to translate some of what the people were saying. I praise the Lord that I am finally understanding Spanish! It is all Him working! The people shared about their lives and we prayed with them. The whole day was a sweet time of serving and fellowship.

This last Tuesday night I was able to pray over each child at the orphanage. It was beyond words. I started to cry during the first kid and I didn't stop crying until I made it through at least 30 of them haha. Sometimes I was crying so hard that I couldn't even pray out loud. I held them tightly in my arms and whispered in their ears not only a prayer but how amazing, smart, beautiful, and talented they are. And that God has a plan for their lives and I love them with ALL of my heart. Also that I pray for the constantly and when I am not here.. I am still here in their hearts.

By the end of it, 6 year old Pepino wanted me to pray for him again. So he came and hugged me tight. I was crying so hard and he looked at me in my eyes with concern... he said, I will pray for you! "Lord, take care of Tenielle because I love her and she loves us all so much. take care of her family and her life." Then he looked at me again and asked me to take of my glasses and close my eyes. Then he took his shirt and wiped the tears off of my face.

I am still in awe of that moment and blessed beyond anything I could ever describe. God is so good and never forget that. Even in the times of suffering or joy He is there working. I just starting reading a book called Radical by David Platt. It is very convicting and I think I am going to be convicted the whole time I read it. He talks a lot about how we need to be like the Jesus of the Bible not the Jesus we have "molded" him to be. And to be willing to give up EVERYTHING for His sake.

Lord, I pray that I would be a servant of You that is completely willing to give up everything in Your name. I want to have a radical relationship with You... I never want to be comfortable. Guide me... use me... and make me be the way You made me.